Have you ever wished you were someone else?

Today, i feel the crushing weight of my life come crashing down upon my shoulders, and what i really feel is nothing. Nothing at all. There is no crashing, no weight, nothing. What, then, do i feel? What is this great burden on my soul? It is the vast nothingness that lies behind and before me. I look at myself and i see just that: mysef, no less and certainly no more. It is childish to even dream of things impossible, or adventure and courage and camaraderie, i know this. This hollow realization does not stay the tide of despair that washes over me.

Sometimes i dream that i am somewhere far away, on a ship or in a jungle or whatever infantile fantasy strikes you at the moment. When i recede into this world of lies and false hopes, i feel as though i really am there. I am the hero, i am the courageous, adventurous, noble person that i see and read about nearly every day. I could conquer evil and save the world and get the girl and live happily ever after. Everything is perfect in this world because it is my world an i want it to be.

In the back of my mind is the eternal knowledge that none of it is real and that i am lying to myself when i think that this life could ever be more than what it is, that it could ever come even close to my world of dreams. This is a torture i can  endure for only so long, and sometimes its nothingness weighs everything.

I wish so dearly i could forever dive into my own mind, that everything could really be perfect and possible and  pristine. Insanity would be a small price to pay for the happiness that would surely follow with my altered reality. Who would miss this place? Certainly not me, its hard to miss nothing.

This is pathetic. This is selfish. My parents would be furious. My friends would feel betrayed. I'd never get my GED. But maybe....

                                                    ...maybe i'd be happy.

i forgot this existed